On September 15, 2015 I was married to my husband, Danny when I was just seventeen. Not old enough to vote. Not even old enough to have a sip of alcohol on my wedding day. So if I couldn’t even apply for a credit card, how in the heck did I get married so young?
When I met Danny I was already working a full time job and attending college. Up to that point in my life I had a really rough few years. When I was fifteen years old my father had a massive heart attack in the front yard of our home. My mother and I weren’t home at the time, but people saw my father collapse and were able to call an ambulance for him. When he arrived at the hospital he was put into a medically induced coma.
My mother was told he would never regain brain function or be able to live a normal life again. The doctors said there was no hope for his survival. His vital organs were shutting down. With that in mind my mother made the very selfless decision to take him off life support. The only thing that was keeping him on this planet was his body. I truly believe his soul had already left the Earth by then.
The year following my father’s death I struggled to regain some type of normalcy in my life. My mother had been dependent on my father for the whole of their marriage. It was hard on her to rebuild her independence. I found it difficult to go to school with the anxiety and depression I was experiencing. I was drowning myself in guilt over not being there the last few moments of my father’s life, as if that would have made any difference.
Losing a parent at any age is tough, but it can be especially hard on children if they don’t have a strong support system. I was lucky to have my mom and sister by my side, but I know not every kid gets that. If you know a child who lost a parent I encourage you to be present in their life. Talk with their parent and ask how you can help. Call them up, ask how they are doing, offer to take that child on a fun trip somewhere. More often than not these kids are forced to grow up faster than they should. Don’t just fade away after the first few weeks, and expect them to be fine.
When we couldn’t afford to stay in our home any longer, my older sister took us into her home. Even though I was grateful to her for taking me in, I knew I was the one responsible for what happened to me next. I saw how much my mother struggled to provide for us, and I realized then I had two choices. Was I going to continue playing the victim or was I going to grow up and take responsibility for myself? That was when I decided to graduate early and start working.
By the time I met my husband I was no longer the girl whose father had died. I was working long hours, six days a week at a car wash I really didn’t like, but that job helped me develop my confidence again. I learned how to contribute to a household, pay bills, cook a healthy meal, take the train, apply for college classes, and find healthy ways to cope with my grief. It was the Lord’s intention for me to come out of it all a stronger person.
I truly believe God puts people in our lives who are met to teach, guide, and love us. My husband is one of those people for me. With my mother’s consent, I married Danny in September 2015 when I was seventeen years old and he was twenty six. To save you the math, yes, he is nine years older than me. No, I have never had to act more mature to be with my husband, or my husband act less his age to be with me. We want the same things out of life, and I would never be able to find that in a relationship with someone my age.
We knew we wanted to start our lives together right away, but it would have been nearly impossible to do so with him being here on a student F1 visa. So let me make the next sentence very clear. The only reason we decided to get married was because we were in love with each other. If Danny hadn’t gotten his green card for whatever reason, I would have happily joined my husband to live in Colombia, his home country. He left his family, his university, and his career in Colombia to come here and learn English. His plans to go back changed when he met me.
If you think I threw my life away the day I got married you’re right. Because I got married, I said good bye to working ten hour long shifts. I threw away a life that just barely kept my head above the water. I had to tear down the walls I built around my heart, and learn to be vulnerable again. I had to force myself to be selfless and learn not everything is about me anymore.
My plans became our plans. His plans changed to include me.
My family became our family. His family became mine.
It’s not just about me anymore. It’s about our relationship, our marriage, our family.
I opened myself up for more heartbreak but in return received all the love, compassion, and partnership I prayed for. I have a loving husband who cherishes and guides me. For that I am so grateful!
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